Blog
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I Had to Be a Good Person, So I Never Expressed a Feeling
I have to be a good person, you think, so you never once say you are angry or sad. Pressed down for years, the feeling turns cruel and comes out as behaviour, not words.
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There Is Nobody There to Love Yet
Told to love yourself, you try, and nothing much happens. If you only show an edited version of yourself for fear of criticism, the self you want to love is missing.
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That isn’t love, that’s liking
You gave your child everything, and the grown child asks what you ever did for them. Love given by your own standard, or only while they do well, never arrives as love.
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Her Body Never Bruised, and She Hated It for That
She is glad when she bruises, and could not believe she passed an exam. Both go back to a childhood where nothing done to her, and nothing she did well, could be seen.
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Infidelity Is Not a Sexual Problem. It Is a Broken Promise.
When an affair comes out, the first questions are how many times and how far it went. Here is why an affair is not about sex: it is a promise broken by hostility.
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I Looked After Myself, and the Guilt Got There First
You rest, take time for yourself or say no, and guilt gets there first, so next time you hesitate. Here is why that guilt is not proof that you did anything wrong.
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Why Self-Love Feels Fake: You’ve Been Faking the Other Thing
You say you’d rather rest, and guilt gets there first. A childhood line, “Think of your brother,” made self-denial feel natural, so caring for yourself feels fake.
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So I Was That Angry Too: The Rage I Couldn’t Name
Pent-up anger from being hit as a child had no words, only an urge to smash things. By a stormy sea I recognized it; the more I accepted being small, the calmer I grew.
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When a Child Stops Listening, You Should Be Clapping
Your child stops listening, shuts the door and argues with you about the phone. That is a sign they are growing up, and part of the difficulty is your own fear.
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The Battery Is Still in the Box: Why the Quiet Child Is the Serious Case
One child has the school ringing; the other stays in her room and says she is fine. We judge by the trouble a child causes us, so the quiet one gets help late.